toilet paper //YOU UPGRADE  nov 1  2000

The UPGRADEmag, a global weekly edutainment round-up, is ‘broadcast’ to =[8173]= people “showing signs of life” from the Parallel YOUniversity/Megatripolis Dance Dept.. Many choose to forward it to their own lists, making an estimated 16,000 recipients.  And it is increasingly being posted on a variety of sites worldwide, making a total ‘readership’ of, conservatively, 100,000+
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London          
FRI NOV 3       TRIBALDANCE!
10pm-6am: Hard dance/ chill out - Future Hard Dance
DANCE - DAVE The Drummer, AARON LIBERATOR, JULIAN LIBERATOR, STERLING MOSS, LITTLE D DAYAN AG
Cloud 9, 67-68 Albert Embankment, Vauxhall. £10  (0207-735-5590):
www.tribaldance.co.uk

/////////////////////// YOU 169

NO MORE FOOKIN ROCK’NROLL?
“There are bands that are hit machines, bands that earn the respect of the music crowd, bands that fill stadiums, bands that drip sex, transcendent bands and ephemeral, boy bands and girl bands, gimmick bands and inept bands, beach and driving bands, summer and winter bands, bands to make love by and bands that make you memorise the words to every song they play.  Most bands are awful, and if there are aliens from other galaxies monitoring our radio and tv waves they’re probably being driven crazy by the din.  And in the whole half-century-long history of rock music there is a small number of bands, a number so small you could count them without running out of fingers, who steal into your heart and become a part of how you see the world, how you tell and understand the truth, even when you're old and deaf and foolish.  On your deathbed you'll hear them sing to you as you drift down the tunnel towards the light: Shh ... Sha-sha ... Sha-la-la-la-la … Shang-a-lang … shang-a-lang … Sh-boom … Shoop … Shoop … Shh.  It’s all over now.”     Salman Rushdie The Ground Beneath Her Feet

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APPRENTICE.ORG
this site’s for anyone fed up with the rat race and who wants to know and do what they REALLY want to do and know.  this site can link you with a master prepared to teach you the skill required.  About 200 masters are seeking apprentices at any one time, in everything from publishing and costume design to sound engineering and furniture making.
http://www.apprentice.org.uk
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“Shit happens because you're bad”       Catholicism
/////////////////////// YOU 171

Glastonbury
MON NOV 6       THE RETURN JOURNEY
“Total Happiness” teacher, Dave Oshana, returns @ The Miracles Room, Glastonbury Experience, 2-4 The High St, Glastonbury. 6:30pm.  “Total Happiness is instantly available all of the time “
Enquiries/personal consultations: 01458 832873.  He arrives Nov 1st.
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“Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't”  Agnosticism      
/////////////////////// YOU 172

Get the latest Harry Potter book FREE, plus 5 books for $2 with membership to The Literary Guild.
http://ww1.lfmn.com/actv/sr2.asp?u=905304128&v=4433&url=1&c=100465&pr=837&cf=1&pa=0&e=S
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“Knock knock, shit happens”     Jehova's Witnesses      
/////////////////////// YOU 173
Alaska
TUES NOV 7      AMNESTY FOR ALL POT VICTIMS THIS YEAR?
Alaska’s voter initiative to completely legalise hemp for all uses and backdate to get ALL people out of jail goes before the Alaska voters.  The BILL LEGALISING HEMP (MARIJUANA) would shield those 18 years or older from civil and criminal sanctions for the use of marijuana and other hemp products. Doctors would be allowed to prescribe marijuana, and it would be regulated like an alcoholic beverage. Amnesty would be given to those convicted in the past of marijuana crimes. It directs the state to challenge federal laws that conflict with the terms of the bill. It creates an advisory panel to study restitution for persons convicted in the past of marijuana crimes.
Visit HEMP2000 and FREE HEMP in Alaska! to volunteer to help.
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“Nothing beats the feel of a good shit happening”       Hedonism.
/////////////////////// YOU 174

HIPPY ACID POEM SCRIBBLED ON TOILET PAPER
IS VALUED AT TEN MILLION EUROS
When Ann Widdecombe’s latest “Drug Shock Horror” imploded in her face and half the Tory shadow government broke ranks with the old witch-burning Orthodoxy, a Block which has been restraining History since at least the 1960s finally began to collapse. 
The War has been won!  Though the sounds of battle will echo on, nothing can stop the shamanic wave now.
If some of the predictions in this article sound outlandish, it’s the result of the generations of Imagination Deficit caused by the Puritan Repression that just ended...

SO WHY NOW, WHEN THE BLUE MEANIES HAVE RESISTED SO LONG?
LOOK! THE VIRGIN HAS NO CLOTHES!
Realising since my first joints in 1965 that, beyond a doubt, such a breakthrough had to happen, I’m actually most interested in the mechanics of how a System finally stutters into Change.  Endless developments could have, should have triggered it but didn’t.  Royal Commissions, the Home Secretary’s son being popped for dealing, a fuckin’ president admitting he’d puffed… but the precise ‘trigger’ that won the War (and it looks like it may be a general rule) was the Change-Resisting Force finally over-reaching itself so grossly as to instantly alert ‘ordinary’ people that it was all fantastically impractical political dogma, totally out of touch with how fast the culture was evolving on the street.

After all, hadn’t the Puritans lost Holland years ago, and, quite recently, in a clearly unstoppable global attitudinal change, hadn’t Switzerland legalised all drugs, hadn’t several US states legalised medical marijuana use, hadn’t all that other ‘alternative shit’ like health, astrology, yoga and new age become ‘normal’, and hadn’t everybody seen a friend or two puffing, even cabinet ministers?  Well, yes, actually, as it was revealed within 24 hours

Perhaps it needed a virgin to so completely overreach the general mood.  Within a week polls were showing a 60% majority for cannabis legalisation.  Are You Experienced?  No?  Then shuttit with the bullshit - that’s when the door finally opened.

SHAMANIC CULTURE GETS THE KEYS OF THE HOUSE
We’ve lived in a booze-driven society 50 years longer than necessary, but has anyone really thought through where this Revolution in attitudes will actually lead our Culture?  Obviously, no government department nor government-approved nor even -unapproved ’experts’ have made a map, for they’ve essentially been denying their own drug-use and specialising in the minority area of drug problems, rather than generalising in the huge majority of human potentials.  No, it sounds like patenting Red Leb and Acapulco Gold is the extent of the “change management” that’s been put in place.

For, as anti campaigners have claimed all along, allowing drug use is soon seen as approving it.  The observations, insights, flights of fancy and pure visionary information and lifestyle-changes that these drugs precipitate will increasingly be considered seriously.  Check the ‘drug’ programs already squeezing their way onto television  this will massively increase when the whiff of criminality is removed.  Why?  It’s obvious; such material is fascinating, exciting, full of discoveries!!   People are going to love it!  Why do you think the Priests, even at the height of their power, never managed to eradicate shamanic culture?

Verily, when the massive millennial backlog that’s been building is released, Society will be catapulted forward into a much more shamanic model.  Remove all puritan restrictions and what is mankind going to evolve into in this millennium than deeper and deeper into inner travelling?  That is the New Frontier for most of us  and already not that new for many of us!  

The speed we are moving!  It seems but a moment ago that to even admit to having once tried a “drug” meant inevitable social exclusion as suspect, forever a bit screwy, a “sandals and beard fruit and nut case” as I’ve been dismissed many times.

A RECREATIONAL DRUG?   PULL ON THE OTHER ONE, IT’S RE-CREATIONAL!
Let’s face it, the mushrooming ‘shamanic section’ of our culture has wisely, if ironically, played along with this public notion that cannabis has only 2 uses:
a)      pain relief (the medical marijuana movement)
b)      “harmless” recreation”
Well, it certainly helps dissolve pain  mainly by delivering a ‘detachment’ from it, a larger perspective.  But recreational?  Perhaps In the early giggly stages, where the general public are now, but ultimately?  Pull on the other one!

Perhaps that ‘detachment’ (from pain) offers the clue.  Cannabis and the psychedelics will ceeertainly stimulate ‘detachment’ - from consensus reality, from the very basis of materialist, conformist society.  As has acceleratingly been happening since the Bohemians and the Beats, people will individually, fired shamanically from within their own inner experiences, begin ‘re-creating’ themselves.

But shhh, don’t tell the middle classes, let ‘em go on ‘innocently’ believing we’ll all mostly go on working and being normal consumers, with the odd joint after dinner, heh heh. 

FROM CRIMINAL TERRORISTS TO FREEDOM-FIGHTER PIN-UPS
The truth is that the opening of Pandora’s Box (not to be ‘formalised’ till Tony’s lulled them starting-to-shamanise middle classes into granting him a second term  another of those increasingly irrelevant details to millions of puffers) will not just decriminalise drugs.  It will ultimately legitimise drug users!  A helluva lot of pot-busted Outlaws must be re-filed, in the public mind, as Victims.  Of Discrimination!

Next step is that these brave victims were… Martyrs.  And, hot on that tail, they’ll be re-interpreted as Freedom Fighters.  Howard Marks,  though really only a charming dope smuggler for dough, has already become a Hero to many intelligent young people.  Wait till they move on to the Writers, Artists, Musicians,  Philosophers, Social and Lifestyle Evolutionaries from Albert to Abbie Hoffman to Tim Leary, from R.D.Laing to Leonard Cohen.  And they’re just the ones who broke through the Censorship.

Deeper into this alternative stream of history are hundreds or thousands of other ‘re-creationists,’ underground explorers, zen maestros, ecstatic scientists, sober sanyasins, social utopians, street poets, jazz folkists, and psychedelic archeologists and psychonauts who’ve been living the new shamanic lifestyle for decades now.  What a voyage of discovery it will be for ‘young’ minds into an amazingly free yet hitherto secret world reality that could (almost?) be compared to Christianity under the Romans; only this time these battle-hardened underground spirit-warriors have the technology, and the general social consciousness has massively evolved!

FROM CELEBRITIES TO WEIRD FOOTNOTES
Compared to such Explorers of the New and Unknown, the current “cultural establishment” (Hockney, Hirst, Hawking, Hansard you name it) are superficial tinkerers with ephemera, at best technical manipulators of details, but quite unconnected to the true Current that led direct to the third millennium.  All of overground Art will be swept away like the empty, aimless Bubble it was  embarrassedly forgotten like the System that valued it. 

And History shows that it’s all quite normal!  90% of ‘artists’, famous in their day, are swept away within a generation by unknown ‘Artists’ whose deeper ‘message’ demanded more time to develop and then to be assimilated.  But there’s also a gigantic difference this time:  this one’s been building for generations.  Put in its biggest perspective, the ex-dominant, anti-shamanic culture has held us back since the Priests first replaced the witch doctors at the head of the tribe.  So this one’s going to be, in some sense, FINAL.  Perhaps all real Art and Culture have always been pointing to this ego-transcended Frontier, and finally our species is ready to follow.

And, in a burst of drug-induced inspiration, some anonymous Hippy once scribbled the reason how that trigger came to settle in the little tube of ‘erb for which the Virgin Widdecombe handed humanity red tickets for so long; he wrote it in rhyming slang, on 50 fading pieces of toilet paper which are now in the Planetary Museum.  No wonder it’s just been valued at ten million euros!


fraser clark.  “templates of a millennium”  oct. 2000.
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“This shit don't bother me.”    Stoicism
/////////////////////// YOU 175

Each time you visit this site, that mere action will deliver a cup of rice to starving people.  Different companies sponsor the program, and the UN Food Program distributes the food:
http://www.thehungersite.com

/////////////////////// YOU 176

SUN NOV 5       THE BURNING
A small 'rehearsal' of one of its infamous Bonfire Night Ritez by The DIONYSIAN UNDERGROUND (of Zippy Picnic and Anarchist Bookfair fame) to bring together those interested in the 'political' and/or 'social consciousness raising' potential of magickal and surreal ritez. An optional meeting to discuss further activities will follow it.  You don't have to be an 'anarchist' but it helps.
6:30pm, hoping to end by 7:30 (gathering at a nearby tube station in Central London from 6-6.15pm). <dionysos@bonfire-night.co.uk>  for more details.
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“What is shit actually?”        Existentialism

////////////////////// YOU 177

TIBETANS GOOD, BUT NOT THAT GOOD        (YOU feedback)
“Perhaps we shouldn’t glorify any culture because every culture is made of people and people generally suck.  Perhaps Tibetan culture had its own dogma, and its own issues, but whatever they were the Chinese occupation of Tibet has been one of the most horrific events of the twentieth century.  In essence it is no better than what the nazi's did to the jews, or what the english did to the native americans along with the rest of the world, and not much better than what the world trade organization is going to do to all living things on this planet.
Many people who act all etheric, and hippi-spiritual are really just working for the same fucked up forces that the system is controlled by.  I think there needs to be a real revolutionary movement.  One that isn’t tricking anyone into being the same thing by a different name.”
Nick Kappos

/////////////////////// YOU 178

“PROFESSIONALISM” TEST
Q 1     How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
A       Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
(This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.)
 Q 2    How do you put an elephant into the refrigerator?
A       Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
(This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.)
Q 3     The Lion King’s hosting an Animal Conference.  All the animals attend - except which one?
A       The Elephant.  The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
(This tests your memory.)
Q 4     There is a river you must cross.  But it is inhabited by crocodiles.  How do you manage to get across?   Think hard now.
A       You swim across.  All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference.
(This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.)

(i dunno about u, but I got all of these wrong.  why, when the answers were sitting on the desk in front of me?
the test comes from Andersen Consulting Worldwide (didn’t Hague work for them?) and I’ll tell u why I think I did so badly.  as our present system is set up, professionals are forced to concentrate purely on “information” in front of them.  this is why they keep missing the Big Picture to the detriment of us all!)
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“Shit happens because you don't work hard enough”       Protestantism    
/////////////////////// YOU 179

OCTOBER TOP TEN
(please don’t take this too seriously, guys, and we don’t want to enter any arguments about it thankyou very much!)
1.      Stand Up (Insane Mix)   Magic Cucumber (*69)
2.      Do you Love?            Alchemy (Tommy Boy Silver)
3.      Hard & Soul                     Mike Macaluso & Frank Berardi (Metropolitan Underground)
4.      Underground/Reach Up    Celeda (*69)
5.      Everybody's Free                Richard 'Humpty' Vission feat. Rozalla (Tommy Boy Silver)
6.      Give Me Music           Sister Bliss (Multiply)
7.      Keeping Me In Tears (Plasmic Honey Mix) Kung Pow feat. Beverly Houston (Nervous)
8.      Pitchin' (In Every Direction)   Hi-Gate (Ultra)
9.      Check It Out (Razor n Guido Rmx)        Karmadelics feat. Sandy B (Jellybean)
10.     Turn To You (Tilt Maverick Remix)       Melanie C (Virgin)
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“Why does this shit always happen to us?”       Judaism

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLASSIFIED ADS
“THE ROAD OF EXCESS, A PSYCHEDELIC AUTOBIOGRAPHY” by BRIAN BARRITT.
From his early trips in 1962 through his lengthy journeys with Tim Leary on the run from the FBI and his many later treks from Portobello Road through Afghanistan and the East, this is a classic underground gem that bridges the Beat and Hippy generations.
”You can never top the life-enhancing irreverence of these cosmic jokers”  Suzanne Moore/The Independent.       “Brian Barritt is a genius”  Timothy Leary.     “A magical acid odyssey in time and space, Barritt is unrestrained and unabashed in his veneration of the ‘Psychedelic Goddess,’ LSD.   From launching pad to landing base, from soaring highs to the journey back, this is an extraordinary tale and a journey from and to freedom.  Read it!”   Festival Eye. 
PSI Publishing, 313 page paperback.  Cheque for £10 (+ £1.50 UK, £5 rest,) made out to Brian Barritt - 111 Este Rd, London SW11 2TT, UK

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* YOUR PLANET NEEDS //YOU! this HipList grows by recommendation.
RECOMMEND SOMEONE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
* to be REMOVED from the HipList, reply to fraser with the word REMOVE in the Subject box
* to comment on or debate anything in the UPGRADE, dubbleklik this link:
http://www.parallel-youniversity.com/GroupMind/
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* yes, yes, send us any edutaining news’n views no need to ask! :-)
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fraser@parallel-youniversity.com   Parallel YOUniversity, PO BOX 833, LONDON NW6, UK
www.parallel-youniversity.com       http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/fraserclark/
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