Encyclopaedia Psychedelica, 1983

The Brag of the Female Sub-Genius

A Sacred Invocation of Terrible Proportions for modern witches (transliterated from words engraved on the floor of Mohenjo-Daro)

To be spoken aloud, naked, with the Moon in view and surrounded by personal power objects

I'm the infra-red woman with the Beast of the Abyss between my legs.
Vaginal spray deodorant is allergic to me!
I'm tighter than a constipated Scotsman in a pay toilet,
with muscles in my snatch that haven't been discovered yet - never mind named!.
I'm atomic-powered. I use a Q tip for a tampax and a micro dot for a diaphragm.
You can run deep, but with me you can't run silent.
You'll howl so loud they'll be green-eyed on the Moon, and feel so good they'll have to incorporate Heaven as a suburb of Hell and start over. again.
The New Age was invented for me - I wore the Old One out!
I put the Magick in Sex Magick, shocked Alisteir Crowley and made the last ten Popes give up their vows!
Billy Graham took up Tantra after me!
I made the Great Stone Face come three times - and he doesn't exist from the neck down!
I make Linda Lovelace look like a dummy with lockjaw!
Hans Solo, Darth Vadar, Luke Skywalker, Yoda and the Emperor had no force left when I got through with them!
Princess Leya thinks I'm pretty good too.
Come and give me Aids, baby - I'll recombine it with my own E.Colliplastids and turn it into veneral mescaline!
I sweat nectar and menstruate ambrosia!
When I take off my clothes, the Gods line up for blocks and fist fights break out all over Olympus!
My hips have a better swing than the San Fransisco Earthquake!
My pelvis moves on ball bearings.
I've been around the world more times than Virgin Airways.
I don't shave under my arms - I mow, unless I braid!
I give off under-arm anti-perspirant BO.
I suckle tigers into pussycats.
I'm bitchy.
I'm shrill.
I'm nasty.
Rapists run screaming to the nearest Rape Crisis Centre when they see me coming - or hear me coming!
I wear out satyrs and terrorise gryphons.
Gandalf the Grey paid to eat me - and then I sucked off Gollum.
They come for hundreds of miles when I'm in heat - dogs, cats, bears, wolves, goats, bucks, pterodactyls, and swallow-tail butterflies right beside the men.
I hump basilisks!
Great Pan Himself fought a herd of Balrogs for a crack at my honeypot!
You bet I'm a whore, sweetheart - but I never took a cent for it!
As for taxes, the government pays me - not to wear out the workforce!
I give Green Shield stamps.
I'm a fusion reactor, baby - let's fuse!
My snatch glows in broad daylight and nuclear power plants hide in shame when I go by.
I'm so hot I make Chernobyl look like a rest home for penguins!
When I ball they run Tokyo off the gyrations of my hips!
I'm plug-compatible with King Kong.
I fucked the Devil into Heaven and Saint Peter into Hell!
I wore down the Archangel Michael's fiery sword.
It's thanks to me there's never been a second coming - the Naz is still recovering!
Black Holes? - Come up and see my Naked Singularity sometime!
A Black Hole is convex compared with me.
I blow the tops off thermometers and make taxi-meters run backwards.
IBM invented computers just to keep track of my worldwide web site.
I can outthink, outwit, outjoke and outfuck any fifty men.
I fold, staple and mutilate whole bureaucracies.
I don't just holler and yell, I break windows, shatter chandeliers and make a fool of myself with style.
Evil Eye? - I got evil in places you never heard of!
I put the Mo in Mojo and then took it out again.
My nectar waters the Tree of Life.
I snack on the Fruit of Knowledge.
They invented a new sign of the Zodiac just for me.
The satanic nectars from my infernal honeypot formed the Bermuda Triangle! gle.
Davy Jones drowned in the marineland themepark I run in my cunt!
I invented Sin - where do you think the Snake got that apple?
It's because of me that being bad feels so goo-ood..
I never get zits - I break out in bonbons and eclairs and leak Elixir Vitae by the gallon.
I drove the Whore of Babylon out of business.
I open brand new jars with my snatch.
Guess why Hitler only had one ball.
I freebase jism.
I may be house proud but when Prince Charles gives you Buckingham Palace with his thankyou note, well ... Fuckingham Palace they called it after that.
UFOs fight for a close encounter with me!
Prophets give up their visions, the Buddha gave up enlightenment till he and all sentient beings had gone through my door, and John the Baptist came back to life to give me head!
Helen of Troy looks like a waffle iron with a hangover beside me.
All I want for Xmas is a dude ranch - with my brand on all the dudes!
I put the libertine into Libertarian.
I make Eris look dull and Eros look like an office worker. Heisenberg gave up his Uncertainty Principle in my honour.
Adolph Eichman gave a month's pay to Jewish Relief.
You thought the world was run by the International Conspiracy of Jewish Wankers and Cardboard Box Manufacturers?
Well, they're a front for the Aldeberanian Snake Men - and I run them!
I'm illegal in 30 countries.
So step aside all you slab-sided, prune-faced, whey-fleshed, dishrag-cunnied, androphobic, sarcophobic, biophobic, paint-covered, latex-armoured, beehive-hairdoed, antispetic, chemical-drenched, stilt-heeled gunnysacks of weasel-jerky,
I'm the Queen of Heaven, the Dark Lady of Space, the lovely Black Star of the Sea, the blue-lidded Daughter of Sunset.
My portrait's on the cave walls at Lascaux, in bas-relief in the temples of Karnak, graffitied on the walls of Pompei and modeled in glass in the cathedrals of Europe.
Jehovah jacks off over me and ....